by Opening scene: we are on a beach vacation, far, far away, having lunch with friends and family, when my teenage daughter points at a rash on her neck. As if on cue, everyone at the table turns and looks at me, expectantly. Waiting for my verdict: Is it serious? I am sure all of you mothers out there have lived this scene, over and over again. And why not? Aren’t we expected to know these sorts of things?
Wrong. We are not. But we do. We do, because, since the little bundles of joy arrived in our world and anointed us with the most amazing title of all, “Mother”, we made it our life mission to know everything that could potentially endanger our babies. So, we worry, we worry and read, and buy stuff, and try things, and call people, and worry again…
I hear people sometimes talking derisively about the stereotype of “neurotic mothers”. Really? Aren’t we all a bit neurotic? Isn’t though this how things work? We worry so our precious families can stay safe and healthy. Yes, most young mothers may seem neurotic.
Stop beating yourselves up – and know that it is only a phase! The more you grow into your “mother” role, the more you learn how to manage things. You will gradually realize not all rashes, coughs, headaches, heartbreaks, bad grades, alcohol buzz, bad friends – or other challenges life may throw at your kids – are dangerous or need your intervention.
But it takes time and learning by doing. And I promise it gets a lot easier and a lot better, because we learn from it.
Fast forward to our lunch gathering and the neck rash that crashed the party. I look around, see the questioning faces waiting for my thoughts on it, and I say casually (with carefully hidden pride, amusement, and relief):
“It’s just a heat rash. It will go away in a few hours.” And I plunge my fork in my fritto misto, knowing it will add to my calorie intake significantly.
But, boy, have I earned it. I finally managed to reach, at my age, a comfortable inner feeling of not being constantly worried, of trusting my acquired knowledge and instinct.
And to be able to enjoy some mildly inappropriate humour I read in a parenting book: “J’etais une mère merveilleuse avant d’avoir des enfants” (A. Faber & E. Mazlish)
Something only age and years-long practice can bring. And trust that it does.
Credits: Pablo Picasso, “Grand Maternity”, 1963; Cover Image by lookstudio on Freepik
